On paper, it was the best role I’d ever had. Global company. Smart people. Solid package. Flexible work. The kind of job most people can only dream of. From the outside, friends and colleagues thought I was crazy even to consider leaving. From the inside, it felt very different.

The industry fascinated me. The day-to-day didn’t.

When I first joined, I was excited by the scale of oil & gas. The “rock to dock” journey of getting hydrocarbons out of the ground and onto ships was mind-blowing. But the reality of my work was repetitive tasks and endless meetings. Too often, I found myself in rooms full of clever people talking about doing the work rather than actually doing the work. Walking out of meetings with no clear outcome became normal. That nagging sense of wasted potential built up over time.

At first, I pushed back on those feelings. I told myself I should be grateful. Not many people in Australia get the chance to work in oil & gas. I told myself that if I stuck it out, maybe I’d land a better role inside the company. But deep down, I couldn’t see “future me” in the shoes of people who had been there for 10 or 15 years.

And that’s when it clicked. If I couldn’t see myself in their shoes, then what was I doing?

The perks made it even harder. That’s how golden handcuffs work. Each year, the package gets better, the benefits grow, and the comfort sets in. You start telling yourself, “I’ll just stay one more year.” But the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. At some point, it’s no longer a career choice — it’s inertia.

I realised if I didn’t leave then, I might never leave.

So I made the call.

It wasn’t easy. I didn’t just leave a company; I left my home. I left family, friends, and the comfort zone I had built over years. It was stressful, uncomfortable, and uncertain. I’ve always been risk-averse — I like plans, predictability, control — and this decision stripped all of that away.

But here’s what surprised me.

The moment I decided, the fear lifted. The anxiety that had kept me up at night disappeared. In its place came relief, excitement, and yes — some sadness. It was the end of an era. But it was also the beginning of something new.

And that’s where the real learning began.

What I Learned About Myself

The months leading up to leaving taught me how much I relied on safety and certainty. I realised how uncomfortable I was sitting in uncertainty, and how much it threw me when I didn’t have control. But sitting in that discomfort, day after day, faded it away.

After leaving, I learned I was more resourceful than I gave myself credit for. I discovered that my skills and experiences were more transferable than I’d realised. Like many people, I had undervalued my own experience because I was too close to it. Stepping away gave me perspective.

I also learned that the decision wasn’t as final or catastrophic as I thought. Beforehand, it felt like life or death — as if leaving meant my career was over. In reality, the world kept turning. Options appeared. New doors opened.

And I rediscovered something important about myself: I love adventure. I don’t enjoy monotony, no matter how much I try to convince myself I should. Adventure excites me, energises me, and makes me feel alive.

On the other side of fear was opportunity. A whole world I couldn’t see when I was stuck in tunnel vision suddenly opened up.

Advice If You’re on the Fence

If you’re sitting in a “safe” role but questioning whether it’s right for you, here’s what I’d share:

1. Remember there’s life outside.
Big organisations are designed to make you feel like nothing else comes close. It’s not true. There are endless opportunities once you step outside the bubble.

2. Talk to people.
Speak to friends, family, colleagues, even people you find on LinkedIn. Ask them what they do, how they live, what they earn. You’ll be surprised at the variety of paths. Talking and reading about people who’d made similar moves gave me confidence that I wasn’t mad for wanting something different.

3. Create your own North Star.
Write down where you want to be in 5, 10, 15 years — personally, professionally, financially. Be as specific as you can. When you’re clear on where you want to go, you can reverse-engineer the steps to get there. That clarity changes everything. Opportunities that felt invisible before suddenly stand out.

Why I’m Glad I Left

Growing up in Zimbabwe, I learned early that work is a privilege, not an entitlement.

My family farmed.

Work wasn’t about titles or comfort. It was about producing value for the community, creating jobs, putting meals on tables. That mindset has never left me.

That’s why leaving mattered. I didn’t want my work to drift into entitlement or comfort. I wanted it to matter — to me, to others, to the communities I’m part of.

Looking back, I’m grateful I left when I did. I could’ve stayed. It would’ve been easier in the short term. But it wouldn’t have been right. I was without any real responsibilities like kids and a mortgage, it was now or never.

And when I picture future me — looking back in five, ten, twenty years — I know he’ll be glad I made the choice I did.

People are losing their cognitive ability to think.

Creativity and innovation move society forward; to cultivate these skills, an environment where people can think and act on their own accord is required.

If you continuously intervene and try to minimise adverse outcomes by telling people what to do, what do you end up with?

Minimising the number of decisions people make by giving them rules, signs, and directions might seem like a safe bet, but it risks potential catastrophe if things don’t go according to plan.

I’m not saying we should live in a lawless society with no rules; I’m suggesting we let people experience the stressors required to wake them up and remove them from the fragile cushioning of too many rules and regulations.

This can be achieved while protecting them from extreme harm and danger.

More energy can be spent focusing on catastrophic events, and small dangers can be ignored.

Consider a child.

What would happen if they were never allowed to play, explore and learn from their injuries?

There is so much talk about creating resilience in people; the only way to do this is by giving them the freedom and accountability to make their own decisions and learn from the outcome.

It’s easier to reward people for complying with measurable activities and meeting KPI’s than it is to reward creativity and innovation, particularly for early career professionals.

Let's dive in.

There's a Mismatch

Do you think about how your incentive plan is structured? And compare it with what you are asked to do?

If you look closely, there is often a mismatch.

For example, you may be told, “We want you to bring innovative ideas to the table and be creative as we try to improve the way we work.”, but your bonus plan is structured around being more productive and efficient at completing what we did last year.

How much opportunity is there to actually be creative and innovative whilst also meeting your KPI’s? How much tolerance is there regarding error and failure?

To be innovative and creative requires you to try something new, fail, try again, fail, try again, fail until you succeed.

This is why it’s so common to hear phrases like “Here we go again, we’re talking about the same great ideas we had last year, but nothing ever changes…” from people who have been around for a few years.

They don’t bother trying to innovate because they know how their incentives are structured, and trying to come up with new fancy ideas will not give them a bigger bonus than last year when they just did their job as they were told.

The hamster wheel of doing the same thing you did last year more efficiently this year is a brain drain trap.

The Opportunity

If you look around, the opportunity to pick up accountability and responsibility is everywhere. Some people will happily give it to you, but you must ask.

This means taking on additional personal risk and being held responsible for the outcome. In other words, you're on the hook, which is exactly where you want to be!

If you want to give yourself the best opportunity to thrive in the future of work, focus on developing real skills that matter whilst doing meaningful work and let the incentives take care of themselves.

If you want to join the race to be replaced by outsourcing and AI, focus on maximising your chances of getting a bonus by being the most productive employee.

Final Thoughts

What does "performance" mean to you and your meaningful work? What incentives are you working towards? If any, at all?

This statement was made during a talk I attended, and it got me thinking.

A British expat (let’s call him Dave) was tasked with building and leading a team of local employees on a very complex project in West Africa. There were over 100 employees who spoke a different language and did not have the level of expertise and skill he was used to working with.

The place was a pit.

There was rubbish lying around, and people wondering about with no intention, guidance or idea of what they should be doing. The uniforms the employees were wearing were soiled and unkempt. There were no company logos on the walls of the offices, no project information displayed on the walls, no project goals and objectives displayed, and no company values shown anywhere.

The reason Dave ended up there is that 2 or 3 people had tried and failed to build the team up and get the project going. The language and cultural barrier made it too hard and too difficult to get the local workforce up to a suitable standard to do the work. But Dave saw this as an opportunity, a challenge, an interesting problem to solve.

A few days after Dave arrived at the site, the solutions to this challenge were clear.

The first thing Dave did was tidy up the working conditions. New, branded uniforms were given to the employees to wear to work. The offices were tidied up, and the company’s logos and values were clearly displayed throughout the building.

Next, the project information was put up on the walls, outlining the desired outcomes of the project, including how each and every person had an important role to play in bringing the project to life.

Now, the employees could see why they were there and what they were working towards every morning they arrived at work. The improved working conditions made them feel proud to come to work. The company’s values were instilled in them, so they began to understand how they were expected to act and perform to ensure a mutual benefit was achieved for them and the company. Once the workspaces had been arranged suitably, Dave commenced training the employees.

Unlike the previous leaders, Dave believed that we, as humans, at a fundamental level, are all the same; it is what we have been taught and our individual experiences that determine our level of output and contribution in any given situation.

Instead of looking down on the employees, Dave saw them as equal and understood that the failure to execute this project successfully was not due to the incompetence of the employees; it was due to the inability of the leaders to pass on their knowledge and guide the employees in a manner that empowered them to contribute effectively.

More Posts on this Topic

www.camwells.me/the-tyranny-of-soft-expectations/

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Do you ever wonder how the quality of your questions affects the quality of the answers you receive?

“I asked them to do X, and they’ve gone and done Y, sometimes I wonder…”

Ever heard or said that phrase before?

If yes, it’s likely that your questions are structured in a way that’s easy for you to understand, and not the recipient.

What’s the risk of A Poorly Structured Question or Instruction?

It’s incredibly frustrating for those involved, but it’s also expensive, unnecessarily stressful and causes tension in the group.

“You asked me to do X, I did X, and now you’re asking me to do Y”

Here’s a personal example:

A team was tasked with preparing a package of work to be presented to the leadership team. Three senior-level employees spent ~2 weeks working towards what they thought was the desired outcome.

Only to realise 1 week before the ship date and not due to an error on their behalf, the format they were working to was incorrect.

This resulted in a substantial amount of rework and additional resources to support on-time delivery.

People became frustrated and stressed, which caused tension. It was not a fun time.

The situation could have been easily avoided without clarity at the start.

So, What Makes a Good Question?

Put yourself in their shoes, how annoying is it when you get asked a vague question or receive surface-level instruction that fails to take into consideration many pertinent points?

Asking good questions is part of communicating effectively.

The more specific, the better. The more generic, the more opportunity for misunderstanding.

Here are a few questions to help you improve:

• What is your level of understanding of the topic compared to theirs?

• What are your objectives compared to theirs? Are they aligned?

• How could they confuse your message with something similar?

• Is this too generic?

• How could they misunderstand this?

• Can you be more specific?

• Can you be more clear?

Save yourself, and your team unnecessary work by taking the time to communicate effectively.

Further Resources

Here’s some nighttime reading for you if you want to dive deeper:

https://canadianbusiness.com/ideas/how-to-give-instructions-your-employees-will-actually-follow/

https://www.skillpacks.com/giving-instructions-to-your-team/

https://hbr.org/2022/04/critical-thinking-is-about-asking-better-questions

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If you have accepted an invitation, you have committed to be present for that interaction.

There’s no use in saying yes, committing to it, to then spend half the time interacting and half the time doing something else on your laptop or phone.

What message does that send to the other people in the room?

How do you feel when speaking to someone who is not concentrating and/or disinterested?

It’s rude and disrespectful to waste people’s time intentionally. If you are too busy to attend something and have important work to do, don’t attend.

Professionals act with integrity, do what they say they will do, and treat other people the way they like to be treated.

The modern world does everything it can to interrupt and distract you from doing meaningful work and being present. The vibration in your pocket, the lighting up of a screen, social media notifications, and pointless emails.

In some cases, though, it’s up to you.

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Even if we don’t explicitly say how busy we are, it is communicated through body language, intonation, and how we respond and react to questions.

Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.” — Oliver Burkeman

The reason I take issue with this is that I recognise it in myself. If you want to be creative and productive, you need to create space in your mind so you can access the executive centre in your brain - which is where the magic happens.

Bouncing from task to task keeps you from focusing on what matters. And when people tell or ask you why you can’t do certain things, or are so busy, you get offended and feel the need to justify your busyness to everyone. I know, we have all been there.

But the truth is, nobody cares how busy you are. Nobody cares how hard or important your job is compared to theirs, or how difficult your degree is compared to the rest of us. Being busy is boring as hell.

How do you feel when you ask someone how they are, and they respond, “So busy!”

Bored… That’s how you feel.

We can improve the quality of our interactions by being more intentional with our questions, and thoughtful with our responses.

How to Add Spice to Your Daily Interactions through Better Questions and Better Responses

Firstly, How to Ask Better Questions

The key is to ask unexpected questions that get people to pause for a moment before responding. You don’t have to be silly about it - but staying away from the standard “How’s work”, “How are you” or “How was your day” can provoke a more interesting response than the usual “So busy”, “So busy and you?” or “Really busy, how was yours?”

See what I did there?

Ask specific, personal questions, and watch their face light up before responding.

Focus on a hobby or personal project they’re working on, if you don’t know anything about them, ask. Everyone has something they are interested in, if they are too shy to open up then so be it. At least you tried.

You can use the information from these responses as a basis for your future encounters. This is how you build rapport and develop relationships with people, it’s relevant to your personal and professional lives.

Secondly, How to Give Better Responses

How to answer, “How are you?” - oooooooooooh this is a tough one. What else can you say instead of, “Good thanks, and you?” Here are a few examples to get you started:

• Is anything interesting happening in your personal life recently that you can share?

• What personal goals are you working on? Could be fitness related, a new business venture, home renovations, or any new toys you have bought and are testing out.

• What holidays or trips have you recently been on or planning and why?

• Tell us how you really feel, and why. We don’t need a sob story. A response more substantial than 'Fine' will do.

How to answer, “How’re things?” - this overlaps the “How are you?” question but I felt it deserves its own spot. “Good thanks” or “So busy” are common replies too, but consider these questions to spice up your interactions:

• Tell us why you are good, or why are you busy - what is it exactly that’s making you feel this way?

• Got young kids? What exactly is it about the little babooshkin that makes your life so interesting? Give us some details.

• Started a new hobby? Tell us why you love it and what emotion it invokes in you.

• Training for a physical challenge? Tell us why you are challenging yourself and your experience so far. How has the challenge developed you as a person? What have you discovered about yourself?

How to answer, “How’s Work” - An immediate impulse arises to respond, “So busy” or, “Hectic”. I am as guilty as the next person, but here’s a thought - let’s bring empathy into our response shall we? What do you think the person asking the question wants to know? My guess is:

• What challenges are you working on at work and how do you plan to overcome them?

• What projects you are working on?

• What’s something interesting that happened recently you can share with them?

• Give some context for your busyness, it makes for a more interesting conversation

It’s common to feel as if you’re boring people with your personal stories, but in reality, we are all desperately looking for more human interactions throughout our day. In a world that’s constantly speeding up, these small interactions are what allow us to pause for a moment and connect with each other.

My Personal Reflection on Busyness

One question I always return to is, “What are you avoiding by keeping yourself busy?”

When I left my home to live in Australia at the age of 18, I was advised to keep myself busy to avoid feelings of homesickness and other low moods related to moving away from home, missing friends and family etc. I don’t recall who gave me the advice, maybe I gave it to myself?

Anyhow, the belief I lived by was, “This is what you have to do if you want to settle in Australia”

So that’s what I did for many years. Between work, going out with friends and spontaneous holidays I left little time to reflect on what I was doing, why I was doing it and if the direction I was headed in was truly what I wanted or needed.

I knew if I sat still in peace and quiet, my mind would be flooded with thoughts and memories invoking emotions that would challenge the beliefs I had instilled in myself. I didn’t want to have to answer these questions, so I avoided them by keeping myself as busy as possible. and telling people I was “Good thanks”.

Looking back, because hindsight is 20/20, there were moments where I knew what I was doing was not necessarily what I wanted and often ponder on the question of “Where would I be if I had done… instead of…?” It’s an interesting rabbit hole to go down but not one I like to expend too much energy on, my journey has brought so many amazing people and experiences to my life that I am forever grateful for.

Nowadays, I am more honest with myself and try to reevaluate where I am and what I’m doing. I try my best to ask myself hard questions and try even harder to answer them honestly. Oftentimes the answers challenge my personal beliefs and the status quo I’m surrounded by, requiring contemplation to fully embrace.

The point of this note is to challenge you to actively seek out the hard questions, and answer them as best you can.

Don’t “be busy” to avoid confrontations with yourself, or other people.

Don’t “be busy” to procrastinate on the goals and challenges you have set for yourself.

Don’t “be busy” to avoid doing the hard work of bringing meaningful change into your life and the world.

It’s easy to be busy. But is easy what you really want?

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It’s easy to say, “I don’t understand the difference” or “They are all as bad as each other” as an excuse to not have to try to inform yourself, but what use is this?

You can turn a blind eye and hide from what you don’t want to see/hear - but you can’t hide from it forever, and it will most likely come to bite you. This is relevant for work and life.

We all hold our own opinions regardless of what we believe, and I will explain the importance of informing yourself further instead of sitting on the fence on important matters.

A Simple, but Relevant Example

Picture a population of people, say 1 million, who have been told to vote for or against an amendment to their constitution. The majority vote wins.

25% of people are strongly for the change, and 25% are strongly against the change.

15% of people are leaning towards voting yes, but aren’t quite sure, and another 15% of people are leaning towards a no vote but want to inform themselves more first.

The final 20% of people can’t be bothered. They are voting to avoid a fine; let’s call them the wilfully uninformed. They plan to make a spur-of-the-moment decision and decide yes/no right before they vote.

Leading up to this vote - the 15% for/against make a big effort to inform themselves to make a more informed decision. To keep this analogy nice and simple, let’s say their research leads them to confirm their initial feelings.

Now, we have 40% for and 40% against the change. We are left with the wilfully uninformed.

This is where it gets interesting.

Because the wilfully uninformed are too lazy to do any productive research, in the days leading up to the vote, they take to social media to see who’s been saying what and to trick themselves into believing they did their best to make an informed decision.

What’s the trouble with this approach?

The wilfully uninformed decision is now at the mercy of an algorithm. There are two important factors to take into consideration:

1. Which group is spending more on targeted advertising?

2. What does the wilfully informed past internet activity tell the algorithm about their voting preference?

Think about how those two factors could affect your decision…

What you see online is governed by an algorithm that shows you what you want, not what you need to see. The more polarising the content online, the greater the chance of it appearing on your feed for you to read/listen to.

Considering you went online to inform yourself about your decision, what you see and read will impact your decision-making - especially if you do not have a strong opinion or belief to compare what you are listening to.

Now, let's consider the different agendas of these groups and certain vocal individuals and the fact that fake news spreads faster than the truth. It’s scary to think about the potential implications of this.

The wilfully uninformed decision is decided by what the internet algorithm pushes out, influencing the final result.

If a corrupt regime had more resources to expend on media advertising and content, it would likely influence the decision of the wilfully uninformed in their favour.

This may sound like a very simple example, but you can read more about real-world examples:

Come to the ‘war cry party’: How social media helped drive mayhem in Brazil

Cambridge Analytica and Facebook: The Scandal and the Fallout So Far (Published 2018)

The Final Takeaway

Avoid getting all your information from a single source; read widely and think critically about what you see and hear.

Ask hard questions, and be brave enough to answer them.

It's the little things that find us out; the little things we ignore to avoid doing the big things that can save us.

During the breeding season, woodpeckers excavate a hole in a tree to use as a nest. They do this by continuously tapping their beaks against the tree.

A pair works together to help build the nest, incubate the eggs and raise their young.

Can you guess how long it takes to build the nest?

Depending on the woodpecker species and the type of tree, it can take about a month to finish the job.

Why is this significant?

Well, considering Woodpeckers only live for about 10 years max, this represents a significant portion of their lifespan.

If we do some dodgy maths, 0.8% of the woodpecker's life is dedicated to building this one nest.

To put this into perspective, the 0.8% is the equivalent of 8 months of your life if we take an estimated lifespan of ~80 years in Australia.

The Lesson

Imagine a determined woodpecker diligently searching for the ideal tree to build its nest. If it were to constantly hop from tree to tree chasing the illusion of perfection, it would never find the perfect spot and never build a nest for its family.

On the other hand, a wise woodpecker understands the value of persistence. It knows by constantly chipping away at the same tree, it will eventually achieve its goal. The tree may not be perfect, but it's good enough.

Consider this analogy when contemplating a change in direction. Recognise the importance of sustained effort, much like the woodpecker dedicating the equivalent of eight months to build its nest.

The process might not be perfect, but it will create a foundation you can rely on for safety, fallback and repeated use.

When it comes to work, business, or wealth creation, as individuals, we are limited in what we can do and achieve ourselves.

If you want to achieve anything substantial, what do you do?

You use leverage.

“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world.” - Archimedes

Leverage is using an acquired experience, skill, knowledge or tool to achieve a desired outcome.

Humans evolved in societies with limited/no leverage, where inputs were equal to outputs.

Back in the day, if I was working in the fields or hunting, I knew 8 hours of input would equal about 8 hours of output.

Today, through labour, capital, code and media, leverage is available to disconnect the link between your inputs and outputs.

Read on to learn more!

Labour

The oldest form of leverage is labour.

This is people working for you; instead of me doing all the work, I can have people working for me, and just by my guidance and direction, much more can get done.

Most of us understand the labour form of leverage because it is how society has evolved over time. Because of this, society hugely overvalues labour as a form of leverage.

This is why your parents and friends get excited when you get a promotion, and you have a lot of people working under you.

People ask business owners or managers how many employees/reports they have because they are trying to establish credibility and measure how much leverage and impact they have.

People just automatically assume that more people are better.

Labour is a challenging form of leverage. Managing people is very messy and requires tremendous leadership skills.

The key is to aim for the minimum amount of people working with you that will allow you to benefit from the other forms of leverage.

Next, capital.

Capital

Capital is a trickier form of leverage than labour. Money markets are inventions of humans within the last ~3000 years, to make it easier for us to trade products and services with eachother (rather than bartering).

People have used capital to get ridiculously wealthy over the last century.

These are people who move large amounts of money around. Think bankers and corrupt politicians.

Many people dislike capital as a form of leverage because it is this invisible thing that can be accumulated and passed down through generations and suddenly results in huge amounts of wealth.

It feels unfair.

But capital is very powerful; it can be converted to labour or other forms of leverage and scales well.

If you are good at managing capital, you can manage significantly more capital much easier than managing more and more people.

The difficult thing about capital, is how do you obtain it?

Code and Media

The most modern, interesting and important form of leverage are products with no marginal cost of replication.

What’s interesting about these forms of leverage is that they are permissionless. They don’t require somebody else’s permission for you to use them.

For labour, somebody has to decide to follow you. For capital, you must find a way to make large amounts of money (which requires leverage) or convince someone to give you their money to invest or turn into a product.

Creating content, coding, writing books, blogging, recording podcasts, and YouTubing are examples of permissionless leverage. You don’t have to get permission from anyone to do them. With the adoption of AI, these are more accessible than ever.

Think about it…

If you create a piece of content or software, once it’s out in the world, it’s out in the world. You don’t have to work any harder on the product for 5 people to receive it than for 50,000. If you sell this content as a product, you make it once and can sell it many times.

The work that went into making the product, ie your inputs, does not match the output. If the inputs and outputs were connected, you would have to make a new product for every new customer.

This is the power of products with no marginal cost of reproduction.

Final Takeaways

As a worker, you want to be as leveraged as possible to ensure you have the biggest impact without as much time or physical effort.

A leveraged worker can out-produce an unleveraged worker by a factor of many thousands.

Leveraged workers focus on judgement, which is far more important than how much time or effort they put in.

How can you apply leverage in a more impactful manner?

Source

This is a paraphrased section from the Almanack of Naval Ravikant. If you want to dive deeper into these topics, you can find the book here.

Rubbish in, rubbish out.

An overly simplified, vague email or message can significantly affect the work and lives of the people around you.

Whether you are writing a scope of work to a vendor or freelancer, messaging a colleague or friend, or inputting a prompt into ChatGPT - it pays to be precise and concise in your messaging.

Let’s consider a request you submit to someone to do work for you.

What are the implications if there is a communication breakdown?

Rework? Time delays? Bad Estimates? Contractual disputes? Cost overruns? Contract variations? The list goes on...

Lack of clarity is a major risk to any project you are undertaking, and the consequences are significant.

The same goes for run-of-the-mill messaging. It’s easier now than ever to misinterpret communication over digital messaging.

How much time have you spent trying to understand vague messages you received?

Or, how often have you questioned the tone of an email you received?

All this uncertainty increases your cognitive load and takes your attention away from doing work that matters. Don’t be that person who is “too busy” to write an email or message that makes sense to the intended person.

Communicating clearly is how you bring your ideas to the table, influence decisions and behaviour, deliver meaningful work, develop personal and professional relationships and engage with the world.

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If you want something done, go. If not, then send.” - Benjamin Franklin

The phrase refers to a phenomenon known as the principal-agent problem, which is a priority conflict between a principal, ie the owner, and the agent, ie the worker.

There are a multitude of situations this can be applied to.

In this case, I will relate it to work.

The Priorities of the Principal differ from the Agent’s

From the accountability perspective, the principal has skin in the game and the agent is there for a salary (and other incentives). When things go well, the principal stands to gain significantly more than the agent; when things go wrong, the principal stands to lose significantly more.

The conflict in priorities arises around the willingness of the agent to go the extra mile for the sake of the principal (or company). Their level of willingness depends on the agent’s personal and employment situations, the incentives offered by the principal, and the agent’s level of engagement.

If you are an agent, and one day hope to be a principal, thinking like one is a sure way to get you to where you want to be.

What Would the Founder Do?

Asking, “What would the founder do?” is a great way to prime your mind to start thinking and acting like a Principal. Do this for long enough, and you will inevitably become one.

If you are someone who understands the power of long-term goals and delayed gratification, this concept will come naturally to you.

The challenge with this is knowing how much of yourself to commit to the building of someone else’s dream, and when to start building your own.

If you are seen to be working very hard at your job and “caring too much”, friends and family will no doubt challenge you as to why you care so much, or why you work so hard because “it’s just a job”.

There’s truth and falsity in the “it’s just a job” statement. The importance lies in your perspective.

What is it to you? Is it just a job you go to, take your salary and live your life outside of work?

Or, do you see it as a necessary stepping stone for you to learn and absorb as much as you can to get to where you want to be?

Both are fine; the importance lies in being clear on what it means to you.

If you're interested, here's the link to the podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/episode/1DW2fkyEkgZaEP40Mj6H9m?si=YsGhsk7ySxyyldXkEMRv3g or YouTube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-TZqOsVCNM&t=11137s

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From climate change debates to electric cars to vegan vs carnivore diets.

Most people sit on one end of the spectrum, but what’s in the middle?

The mark of first-grade intellectual is the ability to hold two opposing thoughts simultaneously. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Failing to Notice the Nuance

There’s more nuance in these debates than we would like to believe.

Whether we hold on to our beliefs and opinions because of pride or sheer ignorance, there is often no clear-cut answer, and very few of us are in a position to give expert advice or opinions on a topic.

So why do we take an extreme position and hold on to it?

When a belief of mine is challenged, I often catch myself refusing to hear what the other person has to say because I have already made my decision.

There’s an element of fear that arises when your beliefs are challenged and you are presented with evidence that suggests you may be wrong.

Strong Identities

Taking on an unnecessarily strong identity closes you off from becoming more informed.

If you tell yourself, “I am a vegan because this is the healthiest diet”, and are presented with evidence showing small amounts of animal products can benefit you, it will be very difficult to accept this and may result in a lost opportunity.

The same goes for climate change. If you believe that all oil and gas is bad and renewables or nuclear energy are better options for everyone - without an advanced understanding of the global energy system and all its complexities, why would you hold on to such a strong opinion?

The Power of the Media

This makes me think about modern media and how powerful it can be. Polarising headlines that bend the truth spread faster than the alternatively “truthful” headline would.

My strategy to deal with these complicated situations is always to keep an open mind and listen to what people have to say.

You only know what you know, until you are presented with new information that proves otherwise.

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The term “Resilience” is a buzzword we hear being thrown around nowadays.

Given the recent events around the globe with the COVID-19 pandemic and the Russia-Ukraine war, Psychologists and gurus alike are urging people and organisations to learn, embrace and teach resilience.

Some individuals/entities have taken steps to write books and build businesses around resilience (see The Resilience Shield as an example), which is interesting.

What does it Mean to be Resilient?

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines resilience as,

“…the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, primarily through mental, emotional, and behavioural flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.”

In other words, resilience refers to how individuals or entities deal with adverse events like trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress they experience.

Resilience does not mean you can prevent and avoid adversity because that’s not how the world works.

It’s the stressors imposed on you during these adverse events that help you develop resilience.

Makes sense.

How Do You Become More Resilient?

If we take the Resilience Shield’s model as an example, resilience has six tenets. Taken from their website, they are:

Innate - This is the resilience you already have inside you, built upon your nature and nurture, and influenced by your personality and values.

Mind - How you view the world and deal with stressors is critical to the development of a strong Resilience Shield.

Body - Sleep. Diet. Exercise. It’s that simple - the more we develop our physical capabilities, the more resilient we will become.

Social - Our interactions with other human beings nourish and strengthen our Resilience Shield. The support of friends, family and significant others builds this layer.

Professional - Work can create stress within our lives - or we can be empowered and inspired by it. Finding work with purpose - or purpose in our work - can tip the scales in your favour.

Adaptation - A strong Resilience Shield empowers us to embrace the unknown and unknowable - in short, to deal with whatever life throws at us!

The APA website includes variations of the above tenets within their strategies for becoming more resilient, including mindfulness practices.

What’s missing from these definitions is the category of things that stand to be gained from adversity and, in some cases, rely on the stressors to survive and flourish.

Enter Anti-Fragility.

What is Anti-Fragility

“Some things benefit from shocks; they thrive and grow when exposed to volatility, randomness, disorder, and stressors and love adventure, risk and uncertainty. Yet, in spite of the ubiquity of the phenomenon, there is no word for the exact opposite of fragile. Let us call it anti-fragile. Anti-fragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same; the anti-fragile gets better.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Anti-Fragility is a term coined by Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book Anti-Fragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, which I recommend you read.

The classic example of something anti-fragile is Hydra, the Greek Mythological creature with numerous heads. When one is cut off, two grow back in its place.

But what does being anti-fragile mean?

“When you are fragile, you depend on things following the exact planned course, with as little deviation as possible - for deviations are more harmful than helpful. This is why the fragile needs to be very predictive in its approach, and conversely, predictive systems cause fragility. When you want deviations, and you don’t care about the possible dispersion of outcomes that the future can bring, since most will be helpful, you are antifragile.”

Developing the skills to adapt to changing circumstances whilst having the confidence to seek out challenging situations is a good start to becoming antifragile.

If your world were turned upside down by an adverse event, would you have the skills to start again and succeed, or are you too heavily reliant on one aspect of your life that if it were taken away, you would struggle to survive?

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What is the difference between Hardship and Victimhood?

Everyone experiences hardship; this is true to a varying degree because the world is not a level playing field. Hardship is something you don’t usually have a choice for, such as the family, society and location you are born into.

For example, someone born in a Favela in Brazil compared to someone born in a first-world city such as Sydney. You can commit a crime in Sydney, go to jail for 100 years, and still experience better living conditions than in a Favela or similar township.

Victimhood, on the other hand, is a choice.

We choose to feel like victims only when we see situations from our perspective.

For those of us living in the first world, and if you are reading this right now, there are more than 1 billion people in the world worse off than you who live in extreme poverty. This is due to circumstance, not choice.

We are all guilty of wearing the victim mentality hat, and we will all benefit from checking ourselves every time we notice ourselves sliding into that state of mind.

The point is not to stop working towards your goals because you should be happy with what you have and where you are. When you miss out on that overseas holiday because the flights are too expensive or you have other responsibilities - a simple reminder to be grateful for what you do have will help you feel better in the moment.

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Recently, a Zimbabwean athlete called Themba Gorimba went viral on social media.

It’s an inspirational story I’d like to share with you, and I think you will benefit from the lesson at the end.

After qualifying for the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) in the States, his hard work and dedication led him to win his first fight.

After the fight, he announced publicly that he would auction off his match gear for money.

Before winning his first fight, he had only $7 left in his bank account and lived in the gym where he trained.

Rather than use the money for a place for him and his family to live, he chose to use the money from the auction to drill and construct a water borehole in his village in Zimbabwe.

What a selfless act.

Themba shared the story on social media. Somehow, Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson got hold of it. It immediately resonated with him because many years ago, he was in a similar situation to Themba.

The Rock, a highly successful athlete and businessman, is also selfless. He decided he would support Themba in his mission to become a champion UFC fighter and improve the living conditions for his people back home in Zimbabwe.

Bear in mind, this is someone he had only recently learned about through a viral video on the internet.

What happened next blew me away.

The Rock bought Themba a house in Miami and gave him a bunch of Project Rock Under Armour gear to train in.

When presenting this gift to Themba, the Rock said,

“Now you don't have anything to worry about other than getting your family over here and becoming a champion”.

As usual, this phrase hit me and got me thinking.

Removing Distractions

We all have goals and dreams we want to achieve. But it can be difficult to focus on these goals with everything else going on around us.

The Rock knows how important it is for Themba to give his full attention and energy to becoming a champion.

Becoming a champion will give Themba the best opportunity to support his family and village in Zimbabwe.

Removing the stress of finding and paying for a place for him and his family to live frees a significant amount of energy he can direct to mastering his craft.

The better he gets at his craft, the better he can support his family.

What’s the Lesson?

There is no lesson, per se. But I'll leave you a question to ponder about:

How can you remove unnecessary distractions so you can focus on what's really important?

Here’s how it happened. What a story!!

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Who’s rules are you living by?

I wrestle with these questions daily, and it’s beginning to shift my worldview for the better.

We are happy to challenge others when we think they are trying to fool us, but why don’t we do the same to ourselves?

Limiting Beliefs

We tell ourselves a story about what we can/can’t do and should/shouldn’t be doing.

Where does this story come from?

Let’s take this blog as an example:

Why did I create it?

To create a body of work I can be proud of and share topics I find interesting.

Who am I to do so? Ghandi?

It may not seem like a big deal, but I had to overcome many internal barriers before putting it out into the world.

“Is it worth reading?”, “What will my friends think?”, “What will my colleagues think?”, “Am I wasting mine and my reader’s time?” the list goes on…

I’ve always wanted to do it, and when starting, I came up with so many excuses as to why I shouldn’t/can’t do it.

Look for the Fear

Humans are great at presenting themselves with evidence that affirms their beliefs, fears and predispositions.

This is where the self-deception happens.

We cherry-pick data that reinforces our beliefs because we fear what might happen if we:

• Fail - “I knew I wasn’t capable…”

• Succeed - “If this works, does that mean I actually have to do it? Maybe I should carry on doing what I'm doing...”

• Are wrong - “I knew I had no good ideas…”

• Are right - “Oh, whoops, that's not what I expected. I’m happy to stay in my comfort zone...”

So we continue to live our lives the same way we always have, hoping for change but doing little about it, reinforcing our beliefs and rarely challenging our assumptions.

Asking the Hard Questions

We all have things we want to do, but we can’t.

We can’t because of work, we can’t because of money, we can’t because of time, we can’t because we don’t have any good ideas, we can’t because we have to do x, we can’t because we need to do y.

In most cases, these are excuses.

Next time you have an idea or want to do something, and your immediate response is, “No, I can’t.”

Ask yourself, “Why not?” and sit with it.

Every excuse in the book will arise, but sit with it and keep asking, “Why not?”

Challenge yourself.

Uncomfortable Answers

The answers to “Why not?” often lead to an uncomfortable conclusion.

As you work through each of the excuses and challenge them by coming up with reasons why you can, you will realise you’ve been telling yourself a story based on superficial rules and/or obligations.

The only thing stopping you is you.

Once presented with the truth, you can no longer fool or convince yourself you are a victim of circumstance.

Now the onus is on you TO DECIDE whether to do it or not.

This is a challenging but rewarding process and a harsh reality to sit with.

When you understand the rules you impose on yourself versus those imposed on you in reality, you can move from living in a have-to/need-to state to a want-to/choose-to state.

Life then becomes a series of choices.

A good test is if the roadblock doesn’t affect everyone else; it’s not a roadblock, it’s an excuse.

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Why do some people leave you tired and burnt out, whilst others leave you energised and excited?

There’s a natural transference of energy with every interaction we have.

Take this post as an example. You, the reader, can feel my level of interest and excitement in the topic from the words. If it’s boring to me, it will sound boring to you, no matter how hard I try to make it interesting.

The same applies when you are around people. You can feel their energy, and it’s contagious.

We all know pessimistic and negative people who spend their time complaining. Just the sight of them will bring on negative emotions, leaving you tired and agitated.

On the other hand, there are people who, after being with them or listening to them speak on a topic or project, leave you full of energy and excited to get going. There have been times when I’ve listened to people talk, and all I want to do after listening is do what they do. Even if before listening to them, I had no interest in it!

This skill of transferring your energy comes naturally to some, but people who understand the power of energy transference in influencing people for the better, do it intentionally.

What do they have and do that creates this amazing amount of energy?

After thinking about it for a while, I discovered three criteria I believe these people have in common:

• Passion,

• Expertise, and

• Communication skills

Passion

It all starts with passion. You can tell when someone is passionate about something by the way they talk about it and describe it. Or, if they are not the talking type, you can tell by how much time and effort they put into something.

Passion is a prerequisite for the skill of positive energy transference.

If you aren’t passionate about something and try to talk or convince someone to join you in your mission, it will be a hard sell. Why should they believe in it if you don’t?

Expertise

The next criterion is expertise.

Developing a deep understanding of a topic, business, or subject is long and arduous. You encounter many challenges and doubts that ultimately lead to your final understanding and conclusion.

Having a deep level of knowledge on a subject gives you the confidence to believe in it and the ability to defend and justify your point of view.

Communication

Finally, communication. This is normally done through words, intonation, and body language, but do you know what a more effective form of communication is? Action.

The ability to demonstrate and communicate is imperative in transferring energy across to other people. This is where passion, expertise, and the sale all come together.

Not sale in the sense of trying to sell you something. But sale in the sense that is where the listener becomes “sold”. Because they can feel the energy and visualise the idea or project

Intentional Energy Transference

Common situations where this is used are in sports and corporate organisations.

Think about the owner of a company. When she bursts through the door in the morning and greets everyone with a massive smile, her energy and enthusiasm are felt by the people, who then get excited to get to work. If they were to arrive at work late and in a sluggish manner, the workers would take on the same level of energy, and no great work would be done.

Or, consider the coach of a sports team who sees more potential in her players than they see in themselves. The coach's energy and enthusiasm for the players to fulfil their potential will be felt by the players. If the coach can clearly articulate her vision for the future and why he believes in his team, the players will build belief in themselves.

We can dive into many more examples. If you are to take anything away from this article, let it be the understanding that the people around you influence you, and in turn you influence them.

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A necessity in your personal and professional relationships.

Done right, the interaction will lead to a meaningful, productive discussion mutually beneficial to the parties involved. Done wrong, it may lead to a defensive, disagreeable and difficult relationship. It pays to prepare yourself beforehand.

How do you deal with it?

Prioritise building trust

This helps you gain influence and develop mutual trust and understanding with those around you.

Building trust is important; when a difficult conversation arises, it will be easier because your colleagues/partners will be less likely to assume negative intent.

Prepare Beforehand

Even if a conversation erupts spontaneously, you can always slow it down and say, “It looks like we have some challenging things to talk about - let’s maybe set some time up so we can prepare and have a productive dialogue.” for example.

The first step is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to develop an understanding of why they have behaved or performed in a substandard/unacceptable way. Effective confrontation is empathetic confrontation.

Seek out the situation’s wider context and understand the conversation’s implications for all parties.

Here are a few questions to get you started:

• What happened?

• How do we feel about what happened?

• How will the interaction threaten the person’s identity?

• Will they be offended?

• What is the desired goal of the confrontation?

Be Specific

The most effective confrontation is when emotions and ego are set aside.

Focus the discussion on the facts rather than venting or satisfying personal ego needs.

Focusing on facts and examples moves the focus of the discussion away from the person’s personality or unique traits; this helps avoid personal biases from creeping in.

Listen Actively

We all prefer when people listen to us rather than explain away the issue at hand.

That’s exactly what you should be doing, too.

Try to understand where the other person is coming from so you can understand their perspective. If you don’t, ask clarifying questions.

Regardless of which side of the fence you’re on, it’s important to focus on what the other party are saying rather than internally drafting an immediate response.

Come up with Solutions Together

You can all leave knowing you did your best to reach a solution if you make the confrontation a collaborative one.

No doubt you would have had an end goal in mind. Brainstorming a plan together might surface stronger solutions to the problem or help you reach a better understanding.

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References

In addition to my own personal opinions, I used a number of different sources for this so if you’d like to learn more you can do so by following the links below:

https://online.hbs.edu/blog/post/how-to-have-difficult-conversations-with-employees

https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-handle-difficult-conversations-at-work

https://exec.mit.edu/s/blog-post/navigating-difficult-conversations-in-2023-MCQDH3AMA36JGHDEXRS2T2HLPDIM

How will you prove to people you are serious about your mission? To help them accompany you on the journey and trust you are serious?

People want consistency, not authenticity.

For example, if you started a podcast and are reaching out for guests to interview - assuming you have not yet accumulated millions of weekly downloads, why would someone want to come on your show?

What if you shared your list of episodes and website with the potential guest?

So they can see that you have consistently shipped weekly episodes on a schedule for 12+ months, alongside long-form articles on your niche and any associated projects you have started. What message will that send?

The message of consistency, grit, determination and passion.

Now that we have been presented with new evidence, I will re-frame my previous question:

Why wouldn’t someone want to come on your show?

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